I've started paying a bit more attention to conversations in our household... perhaps somewhat because we are in closer quarters again while a movie production has taken over our main floor and we're all upstairs. It is quite amusing! Not all of these are recent, but they are a great sample of what you might overhear on any given day in our house.
"How dare you steal my throne!"
"I wouldn't call it stealing. it's more like usurping."
"Its 4 o clock, what do you want to do with your life?"
"The deed has been done; the potatoes have been put in the oven."
“I am the potent stink of your nightmares.”
“What are you at face value?”
“Very beautiful.”
"There's no way they'd shoot a frog over that distance. It's not aerodynamic."
"My elbow is NOT on the floor!" The Boopie
"So how long are we going to keep the tripwire in the fridge?"
"Put it in the fridge."
"No, the oven."
*holding book to be scanned in the printer.* "…???"
"I mean the cupboard."
"PRINTER!"
"For some reason my first urge is to punch it."
"Noooo! Don't punch the puppy mush!"
"People...cubules. People... globules?"
"People blobs?"
"Yes, people blobs."
"THE PUPPY EXPLODES!"
*incoherent noises*
"YOU! WHY?!" (good guy that has been betrayed)
"Oh. I..."
[Turns around] "Ah. I'm sorry, why are we yelling vowels at each other?" (sleazy villain).
"What is that?"
"It's a bat, but it's also a dog."
"A bog."
"The pine needles found the perfect spot to make my neck ticklish."
"I can feel my tongue cooking."
"Procrastinator. Pro...?? Main character."
"Protagonist?"
"The *protagonist* of the Bible..."
"My life is a hopeless pit of despair."
"it's more like a trench."
"I need mooos!"
"I WILL DEFEND THIS MOO WITH MY LIFE"
"Puppies cause paradoxes almost every Sunday. It's like a tradition now."
"We shall save them for next time."
"next time is now." [Continued eating cherries]
"The new and improved removable pocket! Don't lose your stuff, lose your pocket!"
"Let me tell you about my boy problems. Well, they're not really problems. They are--"
"Boy topics?"
"Boy topics."
*rummaging around noises* "oof" *bumps into something* "ah" *hits more things* *in sad voice:* "I don't know where the furniture is."
"Oh yeah."
[something]
"Oh no."
"A carrot just stabbed me and maybe this is completely normal."
"My ears are completely untrained."
"they're peeing on the carpet?"
"They're chewing on the furniture."
"Something is up. It is not the sky or the ceiling but rather lies slowly emerging from a boiling pot of tar."
"I would eat that pen if it wasn't expensive."
"what we're doing is about as ridiculous as playing rock paper scissors with an orange."
"Aww, the boopie is sad because he exists!"
"Please don't play in the noise."
"I want to hear your face."
"Tripping over your own frog."
Sibling narrating: "She stares at the wall like it holds the answer to the universe--It's 42, by the way. 42 is the answer to the universe."
"Be anxious for nothing, but don't crash the car."
"You suck at dying"
"Well gee thanks, I try"
*Plays nice music*
"You know what this makes me think? People beautifully screaming."
"This is not just shooting a bazooka at your foot, this is running out of ammo, walking to a restocking facility five miles away, reloading, and shooting your foot again."
"There is no voice overs in real life except God."
"Say, then think. Then regret."
*deeply sniffs foot*
"why did you do that?"
"...I was hungry."
"Does this go in the eco friendly death container?"
"...???"
"The...green bin??? Compost??"
"Do you ever feel claustrophobic in this room?"
"Yes. I feel claustrophobic in this room with no one here and there's just chairs."
"You really need 2-fatctor authentication on your mind control."
"I have just witnessed the destruction of physics."
"I tried to turn off the soap."
"He is a cross between a puppy, a half-feral cave man, and an ATM."
When describing the world record for making bed: "Fluff, fluff, whoomph."
"Emotional damage: Reason: wrinkly soul"
"Spiders look burnable."
*holding orange slice* "you want to throw it like a dart and not a slap."
"Look in the bottom right corner of your soul."
"I can't believe how hard I felt that in italics!"